If you could see me now, relaxed and fit,
You would know I no longer lament on the benches
Where the sad watch the world pass, where we used to sit.
If you could see me now, saying clever things,
Laughing with beautiful people laughing,
You’d know I no longer care what a day with you in it brings.
If you could see me now, writing these lines,
My long hands, biting my lip, never looking up,
You would know I no longer care who dances with you, or dines.
If you could see me now, safe at last from throngs
Who loved to torture us with curiosity and gossip,
You would know I no longer care to ask why you love certain songs.
If you could see me now, without a care in the world,
Flying above dream houses in dreams,
You would know I no longer care for your opinions on this boy or girl.
If you could see me now, happy as a lark,
You would know I no longer miss the kisses
I gave you when we took our walks and kissed in the park.
If you might see me now, stretched out in the crimson dark, flowers at my feet and head,
Do not move closer or watch me—what other dreams have I forgot?—
To see if I am dead.
