Dorothy, the misunderstood girl from Kansas, was so upset by Trump, that Glinda the Good had to assure Dorothy that everything was going to be OK. Glinda consulted her Great Book of Records to see what was happening in the United States—like the good sorceress she is, Glinda first calmed Dorothy down, and then went into her Magical Laboratory to research the matter.
Glinda: You must calm down, Dorothy. Are there news items, or books, or movies or television programs or other such things which agree with you that Trump is bad?
Dorothy: Oh yes, Glinda. There are very many! In fact, nearly all of these in my country praise and extol those who hate Trump and tell us how we must hate Trump, and how evil and hateful he is. Teachers, counselors, priests, judges, mayors, Adam Schiff, people who wear black and carry baseball bats, witches, warlocks, TV executives, the Chinese Communist Party, everyone who works for Vogue, and Teen Vogue, a million assorted billionaires, Mormon Republicans, Wall Street executives, all hate Trump, and protect me!
Glinda: And the poets, too?
Dorothy: The poets, too! All of them!
Glinda: Then why are you so anxious? I know you’re a very good person, and never do anything wrong!
Dorothy: I’m not really sure, Glinda! I really have no idea!
Glinda: I see. (In an extra sweet voice) I fear you’ve been brainwashed! But more of that later! All you need to do, Dorothy, is curl up with one of these books or newspaper articles or TV programs which hate Trump, and calm yourself down, and I will go to my Magical Laboratory with my Great Book of Records and find out how this evil fairy called Trump was able to make you so upset! And I’ll see what I can do! Is that alright, dear?
Dorothy: Thank you, Glinda! My friends and I don’t know what we’re going to do! We feel the end is near! Experts, in fact, say the world is ending in 10 years, and unless the Green New Deal, which the evil fairy Trump—
Glinda: You’re working yourself up again, Dorothy! That won’t do. I promise to calmly research everything and then restore your happiness. Now you say the whole world will end in 10 years? Who told you this?
Dorothy: AOC.
Glinda: Who is AOC?
Dorothy: She’s a very smart bartender from Brooklyn! And the evil fairy Trump is removing American soldiers from the middle east! It’s terrible! It feels like we’ll never have another war!
Glinda. Oh. It does sound like I’m going to have to do a great deal of research in my Magical Laboratory to get to the bottom of this…
Dorothy: I’m beside myself with anxiety! Please hurry, Glinda! I will be in my basement with a mask covering my face! Oh, hurry, Glinda, hurry! I’m so afraid of the evil fairy, Trump!!
Glinda: Be patient, Dorothy! I’ll investigate this with my magic and my sorcery as quickly as possible!