Oscar Wilde: 4-0 with a shutout in last 4 starts to help the surging Goths.
The Rome Ceilings are still in first. But barely. After dominating the Emperor Division in the first two months of the season, their starters have forgotten how to win.
The Ceilings have lost 12 of their last 16.
Giacomo Leopardi had the kind of day which gives even greatness pause; it was when the Rimini Broadcasters flew into Rome to face the Ceilings—a 31-17 club beginning an 8 game home stand. The visiting Leopardi tossed a one-hitter and hit a home run, and out-dueled John Milton, 1-0.
Apparently, this brilliant performance by Leopardi knocked the Ceilings into a spin.
Since then, Milton has not won, John Dryden has not won and missed a start (Octavio Paz lost in his place), Ludovico Ariosto (who earlier won 6 straight) has not won, and Saint Augustine has not won.
The Ceilings have never been lower.
General manager Pope Julius II waved his hand when asked what was wrong.
“Nothing.”
Manager Richelieu practically spat his response.
“We’re good.”
Meanwhile, the Paris Goths exploded, going 12-4, as the Ceilings went 4-12, and we now have a race in the Emperor Division.
The Ceilings were hoping to break things wide open—as they appeared almost invincible in the early part of the season. But all it takes is a stumble (you start to lose those 3-2 contests instead of winning them) and another team gets hot.
The Goths of Charles X have made their run at home, in Paris, a beautiful park near the Seine, including a series against the Broadcasters in which Leopardi pitched well again, blanking the Goths for 8 2/3 innings—but Johann Wolfgang von Goethe answered with 9 shutout innings of his own, and Sophocles’ walk-off grand slam off George Orwell, the Broadcasters’ new hope, in the bottom of the ninth gave the Goths a 4-0 victory. Arthur Schopenhauer, the Goths manager, chortled afterward, “Sophocles is the ultimate goth—even more than Goethe!”
George Orwell, burned by Sophocles, has returned to the bullpen for the eccentric and highly individual Broadcasters with starter Samuel Taylor Coleridge now healthy—and who appears to be throwing the ball harder than ever; a good sign. And Jacques Lacan, replacing a struggling Ben Jonson in the rotation, has given the Broadcasters a lift (3-0, 2.80 ERA)—who have gained on the Ceilings, too, though their record is still under .500. A long, thrilling, grinding, road trip for the Broadcasters included two back-to-back, come-from-behind, wins in Rome for this slowly reviving team owned by Federico Fellini: Jim Morrison, Anne Sexton, and Charles Bukowski, got key hits, as Orwell beat J.S. Bach twice in nail-biting relief appearances, once in extra innings—to the horror of the Ceilings fans in Rome.
The Corsica Codes of Napoleon (Codes ace Homer going 3-0) the Madrid Crusaders, and the Broadcasters all gained on the Ceilings while playing .500 ball during the Ceilings current slump, but Philip of Spain’s Crusaders have to be the happiest—they gained in the standings playing a long road trip, and best of all, signed both Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and Ludvig van Beethoven to their starting pitching rotation. Mozart is 2-1 and Beethoven is 2-0 in their first 4 starts. The Crusaders, playing on the road, lost Beethoven’s first 2 games, 9-5 and 4-2, despite Crusader home runs by Mary Angela Douglas and Joyce Kilmer, as Ludwig was throwing too hard and not hitting the corners. Mozart has not been dominating; composers always need to adjust in a poetry league. But the addition of Mozart and Beethoven changes things: the Emperor Division is really up for grabs.
~~~
Ceilings 35 29 –
Goths 34 30 (1)
Codes 33 31 (2)
Crusaders 32 32 (3)
Broadcasters 30 34 (5)
~~~
And now a special treat. Scarriet Poetry Baseball caught up with Oscar Wilde and W.H. Auden in a hotel cafe, following Wilde’s 3-2 complete-game victory in Paris over the Codes, despite a two-run homer by Auden. At this writing, Auden has 20 home runs for Napoleon’s team, the most home runs in the Emperor Division, and is close to leading the entire league. Wilde has 6 wins for the Paris Goths, pitching beside Goethe, Chateaubriand, and Baudelaire.
Scarriet: Gentlemen…
Wilde: You flatter.
Scarriet: W.H. Auden…
Auden: Now you flatter! Who’s he?
Wilde: (to Auden) You almost spoiled my win, silly.
Auden: My home run?
Wilde: Yes, what were you trying to do? (laughing)
Auden: I was distracted.
Wilde: By my pitch? (laughing)
Auden: No, by an idea for a home run. (laughing)
Wilde: You devil! Where do you get these ideas? Not from me, I hope! (smiling)
Wilde and Auden pause, both looking at the interviewer.
Scarriet: (mind going blank) It’s a lovely day.
Wilde: To be outside.
Auden: It’s always better to be somewhere else.
Wilde: Precisely. Let’s go inside.
Auden: Is it too noisy here? I thought we were inside?
Wilde: (looking around at the space) It’s difficult to tell. Are we?
Auden: We’re partially indoors. This large awning, and this carpet.
Wilde: A big cafe. So fancy, it’s hard to tell where we are. Who picked this place?
Auden: At least we’re not directly on the street.
Wilde: But we can see the street…
Auden: Thank God we can smoke here…
Wilde: I don’t know. What year is it?
Auden: It always feels like a year between cigarettes for me…
Wilde: You measure time that way? By coughing?
Auden: Yes, it’s my clock. Sixty coughs per hour.
Wilde: But you have the breath of ten men.
Auden: My lungs are my best feature. I have handsome lungs.
Wilde: I can hear them. They’re lovely.
Auden: A bit high-pitched.
Wilde: Low tones can hardly be heard. I like a good, stabbing, high-pitched, voice!
Auden: (laughing, coughing) You’re making fun of me!
Wilde: Don’t lower your voice now! Don’t be suave, Wystan! Be yourself. Scream.
Auden: (pealing, high-pitched laughter, interrupted by low, growling coughing)
Wilde: People are looking now! See what you’ve done, Wystan!
Auden: (still choking) Me??
Scarriet: Can I ask—
Wilde: About the United States?
Auden: (cough, cough) What about Ireland?
Wilde: Do you know what the United States was? Ireland’s revenge against England.
Auden: And now? What about now, in 2020?
Wilde: China is England’s revenge—against the United States.
Auden: People have soured on Christianity. The pendulum is swinging towards a different kind of control.
Wilde: Oh life is pleasant now. Let’s talk about baseball. This gentleman wants to know—
Scarriet: I would rather you two just talk. I’ll stay out the way…
Wilde: This is the worst interview ever! (smiling) Let us two gasbags go on? Is that a good idea?
Auden: Perhaps we could set a few things straight. History gets everything wrong.
Wilde: (sighing) Wystan! Do you have to bring history in? I’m still trying to figure out my mistakes…
Auden: They weren’t your mistakes. They were history’s mistakes.
Wilde: Yes, that’s what history is. But no, they were mine. They were my mistakes. (pause)
Scarriet: Can I borrow a cigarette…
Auden: Oh, certainly, dear!
Wilde: Our interviewer is so charming!
Auden: And he lets us say whatever we want! (laughing)
Wilde: He lets us do whatever we want! (laughing)
Auden: We should retire to our rooms..
Wilde: I have no rooms.
Auden: No rooms? Where are you?
Wilde: I don’t know. I don’t know.
(Someone is speaking to Auden)
Auden: Oh, we can’t smoke?
CONNECTION LOST
~~~
Scarriet Poetry Baseball.