Francisco Goya might be what the Goths are looking for.
The Rome Ceilings of Pope Julius II are doing it with pitching.
Bach, the great Lutheran composer who spent his last years perfecting his Catholic Mass, has been a godsend for The Ceilings in relief: 30 innings, 12 hits, 34 strikeouts, 2 walks, and 2 runs allowed, with a 5-2 record.
John Milton, the famous Puritan poet (his brother was a Catholic) agreed to play for Julius II (“We’re all Christians,” he said as he signed) is 6-4 with a 1.80 ERA. Ariosto, the great Italian renaissance poet, has also been amazing for the Ceilings, with a 7-2 record and a 2.20 ERA. The Ceilings have allowed just 137 runs in 48 games, the best in the entire league.
Only Lorenzo de Medici’s Banners in the Glorious League is close (139) in allowing the fewest runs. The Banners, with a starting four of Dante, Shelley, Virgil, and da Vinci, have a modest 25-23 record (John Keats, batting third, only has 2 home runs, and they don’t have much of a bullpen.) The Ceilings send Milton, Dryden, Ariosto and Augustine (Jonathan Swift went to the Laureates at the beginning of May) to the hill as starters, and Bach has made a huge difference in relief. Bach’s success meant Augustine could move from the bullpen to the starting rotation.
Edmund Spenser (9) and Euripides (6) are the leading home run hitters for the Ceilings, atop the Emperor division with a 31-17 record.
Only Rockefeller’s The Buyers, in the Modern division, have a better record, at 32-16.
Napoleon Bonaparte’s Codes are in second place, led by Homer and Hegel’s pitching (both 5-3 as starters), and the hitting of W.H. Auden and Victor Hugo. Auden leads the Emperor division with 15 homers. People are still wondering why the suave modern poet, W.H. Auden, wanted to sign on with Napoleon. Auden, with a conservative and eccentric streak, still won’t say. But his bat is speaking loud and clear. “I do hope our pitching improves,” Auden said. “Our boys certainly know how to pitch.”
The Crusaders signed Handel to be “their Bach in relief” but decided to move the composer into the starting rotation and use Bishop George Berkeley as their heavy lifter in relief. This has worked wonders for Philip of Spain’s club, which has played better than .500 ball since the first month of the season, and find themselves just a game out of second place. Handel is 6-2 and Berkeley has won some extremely close games. St. John of the Cross won three straight starts recently and Thomas Aquinas has been steady, though not brilliant. The Crusaders have some pop in their bats—Anne Bradstreet and Aeschylus have 13 homers each, and Mary Angela Douglas, filling in the for the injured St. Ephrem, has added 8.
The Broadcasters and Goths, the two “strange” teams in the division, are tied for last. They’ve been inconsistent, but certainly have the stuff to win. Jim Morrison of the Broadcasters missed 20 games, and the reason was anyone’s guess, but when he returned, he homered in 4 consecutive games. None of the Broadcasters’ starters (Leopardi, Ben Jonson, Nabokov) have been horrible, but they’ve been hot and cold, including George Orwell, who has replaced the injured Samuel Coleridge as the no. 4 starter. The signing of Maurice Ravel in relief could be one answer for the Broadcasters; Valery as a reliever hasn’t been that good. And Alfred Hitchcock and Walter Benjamin haven’t really impressed so far, either. Rilke, Bobby Burns, and Ann Sexton have hit well for the Broadcasters and Mick Jagger has 3 homers and 17 stolen bases from the lead off spot.
The Goths know that Goethe (3-4) can do better; Chateaubriand, their no. 2 starter has been great. Wilde and Baudelaire, starters 3 and 4, have been disappointing. “The very nature of winning and losing streaks are flimsy,” Wilde quipped. “Time and work will be kind to our team.” A.W. Schlegel (3-3) and Theo Gautier (1-3) have worked a lot of innings in relief, without much to show for it—newly signed Goya has already made a difference, however. If Goethe pitches like people expect, and Sophocles and Heine continue to hit balls out of the park, look for the Goths to move up.
But who can catch the Ceilings, with their pitching staff of Milton, Dryden, Ariosto, Augustine, and Bach?
Emperor Division Standings
Ceilings Pope Julius II, 31-17
Codes Napoleon Bonaparte 25-23
Crusaders Phillip II of Spain 24-24
Broadcasters Federico Fellini 22-26
Goths Charles X 22-26
WINS
Chateaubriand Goths 7-2
Ariosto Ceilings 7-2
Handel Crusaders 6-2
Milton Ceilings 6-4
Homer Codes 5-3
Hegel Codes 5-3
Nabokov Broadcasters 5-4
Aquinas Crusaders 5-5
Relief
Bach Ceilings 5-2
Bishop Berkeley Crusaders 4-4
Goya Goths 3-0
Kant Codes 3-2
Balzac Codes 3-2
AW Schlegel Goths 3-3
HOME RUNS
W.H. Auden Codes 15
Aeschylus Crusaders 13
Sophocles Goths 13
Anne Bradstreet Crusaders 13
Victor Hugo Codes 12
Heine Goths 11
Edmund Spenser Ceilings 9
Rilke Broadcasters 9
Robert Burns Broadcasters 9
Mary Angela Douglas Crusaders 8
Racine Codes 8
Ann Sexton Broadcasters 7
Euripides Ceilings 6