The Laureates are owned by Nahum Tate, appointed Poet Laureate of England in 1692 upon the death of Thomas Shadwell, the second Poet Laureate of England, who followed John Dryden. Tate, like Shadwell, wore one of those giant wigs. Henry Purcell used Tate’s play as the libretto for Dido and Aeneas. Tate’s best-seller was his happy-ending version of King Lear. He was born into a Puritan family in Dublin, and after receiving a degree from Trinity College in Dublin he became a working writer in London.
Now the Laureate, with his Laureates, flies to Los Angeles, to play Merv Griffin’s Gamers, in the Gamers home opener.
The Laureates play in the not-so-Glorious League, with the controversial Pistols—associated with Eva Braun, featuring T.S. Eliot, Ezra Pound, and Ted Hughes; the pitching-rich Banners (Dante, Shelley, Virgil); and two solid, British-owned teams—Queen Victoria’s Carriages and Lord Russell’s The Sun.
The Gamers are in the People’s League, with the Cobras of Kolkata, the Mist of Tokyo, the Waves of Beijing, and another California team, television producer Dick Wolf’s the Laws.
Both teams feel they have a good chance of winning their respective divisions.
Merv Griffin has a loose and fun-loving team; Noel Coward leads off at shortstop, John Betjeman, Poet Laureate of England himself, from 1972 to 1984, plays center field and bats second; Billy Collins in left, Eugene Ionesco, the Absurdist playwright, bats cleanup and plays catcher; Thomas Hood, a mock-heroic ballad genius, at second, Tristan Tzara, first base, Ogden Nash in right, Joe Green, the third baseman, and pitching for the Gamers, Lewis Carroll.
Literature can be light, yet serious. This might describe the Gamers.
Or serious, yet light. Here is the starting lineup of the Laureates:
Sara Teasdale 2b; Oliver Goldsmith cf; Alexandre Dumas lf; Charles Dickens 1b; Aphra Behn rf; Mirza Ghalib 3b; Boris Pasternak c; JK Rowling ss, and pitching for the Laureates, Edmund Burke.
And finally, “light” can have a thousand meanings.
Edmund Burke, the Laureates starter, said he was confident he would be able to analyze the “lightness” of the Gamers lineup, and turn in a satisfactory performance. ” I can’t be pedantic; I can’t leave the ball up in the strike zone. As long as I’m around the strike zone, and go right after these guys, and let my defense play behind me, I have no worries.”
The defense behind him isn’t bad.
Ghalib has some wit of his own at third; the women up the middle, Sara Teasdale and JK Rowling, and Dickens at first round out a solid infield. Meanwhile, Dumas, the mysterious Aphra Behn, and the popular and well-liked Goldsmith make for a speedy and daring outfield.
Lewis Carroll looked at the ground and whistled under his breath when asked how would do in the season opener for the Gamers.
The defense behind Carroll is adequate: Tzara at first, Hood at second, Coward at short, and Joe Green at third in the infield; in the outfield, Betjeman is in center, Billy Collins patrols left, and Ogden Nash holds down right field.
The Dublin Laureates are in green. The LA Gamers are in blue.
And there’s a huge crowd. This will definitely help the crowd-pleasing Gamers. But as Marla Muse has pointed out, the Laureates also bring the entertainment.
Noel Coward homers in the bottom of the first off Edmund Burke’s first pitch.
It’s 1-0 Gamers!
Betjeman drills one up the middle. Runner on first. No outs. Burke keeps Betjeman close. Billy Collins flies out. Ionesco walks on four pitches. Conan Doyle, the manager, saunters out to the mound to calm Burke down. Thomas Hood batting. A one-hopper to short. Rowling to Teasdale. And back to first, Dickens digs out the low throw. Double play! And the Laureates are out of the inning.
Meanwhile Lewis Carroll sets down the first nine batters he sees. Change-ups keep the team from Dublin off-balance. He makes a few hitters look bad, especially with his knuckle-change.
Mirza Ghalib and JK Rowling finally break through for the Laureates, as they get a couple of runs in the fifth.
But it’s not Edmund Burke’s day. Lewis Carroll and Ogden Nash knock in runs; Ionesco homers.
After seven, the Gamers lead 7-2. Dana Gioia is now pitching for the Laureates.
In the 8th, Mirza Ghalib takes Carroll deep to make it 7-3, but the Gamers come back in the bottom of the frame against Gioia—Lewis Carroll lifts a pop fly home run right down the line in left, and it’s 8-3 for Los Angeles.
What a great day for Lewis Carroll! Merv Griffin has to be happy with the Gamers’ opening day performance.
Charles Bernstein takes over for Lewis Carroll in the top of the ninth. Rod McKuen replaces Billy Collins in left.
JK Rowling reaches. Verdi, pinch hitting, strikes out. Teasdale singles, Oliver Goldsmith hits a pitch out of the strike zone and singles in Rowling, it’s 8-4. Dumas hits a perfect double-play ball to Noel Coward at short. He bobbles it! Everybody’s safe. Dickens singles, and it’s 8-5. Menander relieves Bernstein. Aphra Behn batting. She’s 0 for 3 today.
The bases are loaded. No one is leaving Merv Griffin Park. The Gamers fans are holding their breath.
Aphra Behn swings.
There’s a fly ball, hit pretty deep….
McKuen is looking up…
Home run!
The Laureates have gone ahead 9-8!
We go to the bottom of the ninth, Livy pitching for the Laureates.
Betjeman grounds out. Rod McKuen grounds out. Ionesco doubles. Thomas Hood up.
Livy deals 2-2, Hood swings…there’s a fly to right…
Aphra Behn goes back…back…
And takes it at the warning track!
The Laureates win.
Los Angeles groans.
Merv Griffin kicks something.
Noel Coward is not laughing.
Third baseman Joe Green puts his arm around Menander.
Trailing 8-3 going to the ninth, the Laureates have defeated the Gamers by a run, on a grand slam by Aphra Behn.
After showering, and throwing on a dress, she tells Marla Muse how it feels.
This is Scarriet Poetry News.