How do we protect women? Shame the dick-mind. Shame it good.
The Evil Empire of the Rapey Male is pushing back against the Me Too movement.
First, let’s admit that every mass movement, such as Me Too, is going to have excesses. And yes, it is absolutely true that accusations can be slanderous—and this will always be true, and we all need to watch out for this, vigilantly, and always take this into account. Absolutely.
Rape is wrong. Slander is wrong. And between these two is a sea of accusations, traditions, manners, desires, loves, hates, power plays, court cases, and confusions.
The good of the Me Too movement, however, is making things uncomfortable for a certain type of person, one who secretly applauds the world of Harvey Weinstein—but now the energized Weinstein creeps are fighting back on all fronts.
If the Me Too movement is saying anything, it’s saying: “Don’t be a creep.”
But creeps will be creeps.
The case of Aziz Ansari has the creeps cheering.
Why? Because here is a case, not of rape, but of a famous man, and his female admirer, on a date gone bad, written up on a feminist site, with “feminists” protesting.
The Ansari case is “proof,” to the creeps, that the Me Too feminists have gone “too far.”
For the creeps, the Ansari case is the Waterloo of Me Too.
The Ansari story is important for the creeps because this is how the creeps think:
It wasn’t rape, so shut up.
You women want to be equals, but then you cry when a man is boorish.
And worse, you feminists are trying to make everything look like rape, and creating a climate of crackdown and fear.
In the Atlantic, and now more recently in the New York Times, the Ansari story is being used to ridicule and shame Me Too feminists—and the whole Me Too movement.
It is often said that the victim of stupidity is the victim of—yes, their own stupidity—and this is true, and it’s always neat and easy to blame stupidity on one stupid person; in this instance, the young trusting female.
Yet we, who blame, are always stupid when we victim-blame—while failing to see stupid overriding systems of behavior and thought, as we fail to recognize our own victim-blaming stupidity.
There’s two people involved here. Just as with Harvey Weinstein, and his victims. Grace (not her real name—she is not a public figure like he is) and Ansari.
To blame Grace, and only Grace, is stupid.
Don’t blame Ansari.
But then don’t blame her, either.
And, even more stupid: why blame the Me Too movement?
Have any opinion about Ansari’s lousy date you want.
But don’t use it to attack Me Too.
Do you think Ansari should blame his failed date on Me Too?
What kind of stupid, pathetic man would he be if he did that?
There’s a whole spectrum of women as victims. There’s brutal, physical rape by a stranger.
What Grace suffered was far more nuanced. But she’s still a victim.
It’s not that we need to destroy Ansari. But neither should we use Grace to dilute Me Too.
Me Too is valid, and it will always be valid, and it doesn’t need to apologize for less offensive things on the spectrum to the point where they seem: silly immature women behaving unwisely. Silly immature women behaving unwisely is still part of the wider problem. We should still care, and not scornfully assume this is not on the spectrum and part of the whole problem. Perhaps we are being too hyper-sensitive and hyper-chivalrous, but we doubt it.
Ansari was trying very hard to “close the deal,” whether she wanted to or not. That’s a rape-mind, if not actual rape. You are not allowed to violate someone just because it’s in your apartment. The whole thing is too close to Harvey territory. He should have waited for a second date. Not poured her another class of wine, after she verbally objected to him moving too fast, and said, ” this is the second date.”
She does sound naive. But respect that, then. Don’t take advantage of it. That’s the point of civilized society, isn’t it?
The Weinstein creeps are rushing in, and their opening is that unlit gap between rape and boorish behavior.
The Weinstein backlash against Me Too reasons from the lowest possible place: 1. listen creeps, don’t get in trouble with the law and 2. listen, creeps, don’t get falsely accused.
But being a creep is fine.
And if you object to the creepy, you are a creep. Because, you know, men are always horny, and they will be disgusting, but that’s just too bad, and it can be funny and charming—look at movies! Look at TV! Look at comedians! Ha ha ha! In fact, respectable films (the kind of Harvey Weinstein might produce) portray all sorts of creepy behavior—but who are we, stupid old-fashioned, butt-ugly, feminist, nitwits, to judge? Right?
Well, we can judge. And we are going to judge.
We owe it to ourselves, as a society, when we have a discussion like this, which affects everyone in society, no matter what age or gender, to focus on more than just rape and sex. The “enjoying sex without breaking the law” part and the “being safe” part are important—and we expect these two things to always be in the forefront, but every aspect of human happiness should be considered.
The synopsis of the story is: Ansari and the anonymous woman known as “Grace” agreed to go on a date; they started at his apartment with a glass of wine, went to a fancy restaurant, he hurried through the meal to take her back to his apartment, they got naked and kissed, he wanted to take it further, but backed off when she said no, they put their clothes back on and watched some TV, and she ended up being upset, and told him, in tears, “You men are all the same,” and left.
The date was detailed on a feminist website called Babe—provoking sympathy for Ansari and anti-Me Too outrage in the larger media.
The latest anti-Me Too cry is from the animal rights activist and famous French actress from the 1950s, Brigitte Bardot, saying Me Too actresses are just “looking for attention.” And…the creepy backlash continues. The great backlash of 2018 seems to be coming mostly from boomers and older folks. Who should know better.
Let’s be truthful for a moment: it’s heartbreaking to find out a man only wants to have sex with you. Women want men. As complete partners.
It’s heartbreaking—and what is commonly called a “broken heart” is a psychological trauma, and we are not talking about a “bad breakup” here or there, but the reality that the majority of women in society, from a young age, live with broken hearts their whole lives, because the creepy man is accepted as normal. And, men, too, will suffer, because if women are deeply unhappy, men will be unhappy, too.
Here’s the thing. A long conversation over dinner, with wine, in a nice restaurant is the most wonderful experience in the world.
To want to rush into sex right away is Weinstein-like.
It is entirely correct for women to protest this.
When all things are said and done, the heart is finally more important than fun.
The attitude “it wasn’t rape, so shut up,” is part of the general problem. If we don’t care about the heart, we create the climate of the creepy in the first place.
This does not mean we get out the torches and pitchforks and run Ansari out of town.
So far, Ansari has only apologized to her, and that’s good.
We agree it’s not rape, or the worst thing ever, by any means.
But here’s the thing: to scorn the woman in this scenario puts you on a Weinstein slope.
Poor Ansari!
He just wanted to have a little fun!
This, in our view, is the most significant aspect of this story:
Creeps are using the Aziz Ansari story to creep back to acceptable creepiness.